I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
