I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
