Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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