my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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