She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
