All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
