matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize