Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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