hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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