oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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