AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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