cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
