I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
