I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
