I cockslap morals
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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