Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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