found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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