I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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