You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
