I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
