No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
