he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
