Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
