This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
