he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
