just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
