counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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