remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
