No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you win again, gameday.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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