totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
