Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
