when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
