her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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