her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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