trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
