I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
