I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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