I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
