i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
