"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
