hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
