Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
