She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
