I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize