it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
