i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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