Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
