do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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