Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
