Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
