How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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