ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
