I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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