I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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