Will you blow on my dice?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
