ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
