I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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