I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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