Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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