he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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