K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
