with your own penis?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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