i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
