How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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