i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
