i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize