Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
