get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize