Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i think my tv is drunk
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
