Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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