Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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