you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
