Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
