well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
